A cologne that smells like dusty books? Give it a try...
I watched one of my favorite old Seinfeld episodes - "The Pez Dispenser" - on TV last weekend, and it still cracks me up.
For those of you who don't remember this classic episode of Seinfeld, it's the show in which Kramer invents a cologne called "The Beach" after a swim with the Polar Bear Club.
As Kramer said, "You spray it on. It smells like you just came home from the beach."
His friend, Jerry Seinfeld, mocks the idea. "You think people are going to pay $80 to smell like dead fish and seaweed? That's why they shower."
In a later episode, called "The Pick," Kramer confronts Calvin Klein, accusing the fashion mogul of perfume plagiarism after Klein unveils his own scent called "Ocean" soon after Kramer pitched his idea for "The Beach" to one of Klein's executives.
All of this got me to thinking about what types of colognes or perfumes I would design if given the chance and here are a few of the ideas that I came up with:
* Outdoor smells like burning leaves, freshly chopped wood, freshly cut grass and the smell from the inside of a pile of raked leaves.
* Food smells like Tang the powdered drink, buttercream cake frosting, chicken and cheese fajitas, Fruity Pebbles, Boo Berry cereal, McDonald's french fries, blueberry cheesecake and hickory smoke, like the liquid smoke that comes in a bottle.
* Smells from elementary school like No. 2 pencils and the interiors of cheap plastic backpacks. Remember those? They smelled a lot like those plastic pencil cases that were once popular.
* Clothing smells like the smell of new leather and flannel or the smell of a shopping mall.
* The smell of old, dusty books. Boy, that's a great smell. I wouldn't want to wear it though, but it would probably make a cool room deodorizer.
* The smell of brand new tires. Hey, I admit it. I love the smell of brand new tires.
* The smell of ozone from an electrical spark. I don't know how you'd bottle it, but it'd be cool if you could.
* Those old scratch 'n sniff stickers that smelled like pizza, but really didn't. They smelled more like that old cardboard-flavored pizza that you get at the ballpark.
* The smell of cigarettes before they're smoked.
* The smell of tar from a newly paved road. The City of Monroeville paved Hines Street in front of The Journal's offices last week, and after a while the smell got to be pretty pleasant.
Here are a few cologne and perfume ideas that I'd chunk on the rejection pile:
* RAID bug spray from the 1970s. I found a can of this stuff in a cupboard when I moved into my current house and sprayed some of in the room. For a second there, I was a kid again. That lasted for a moment, until I realized that I was really light headed.
* Dog's breath, scorched sawdust and burn microwave sawdust.
* The smell of chum, that is, fish bait used to lure sharks, consisting of oily fish that's ground up and scattered on the water behind a boat. This is hands down one of the most offensive smells ever, an olfactory nightmare.
For those of you who don't remember this classic episode of Seinfeld, it's the show in which Kramer invents a cologne called "The Beach" after a swim with the Polar Bear Club.
As Kramer said, "You spray it on. It smells like you just came home from the beach."
His friend, Jerry Seinfeld, mocks the idea. "You think people are going to pay $80 to smell like dead fish and seaweed? That's why they shower."
In a later episode, called "The Pick," Kramer confronts Calvin Klein, accusing the fashion mogul of perfume plagiarism after Klein unveils his own scent called "Ocean" soon after Kramer pitched his idea for "The Beach" to one of Klein's executives.
All of this got me to thinking about what types of colognes or perfumes I would design if given the chance and here are a few of the ideas that I came up with:
* Outdoor smells like burning leaves, freshly chopped wood, freshly cut grass and the smell from the inside of a pile of raked leaves.
* Food smells like Tang the powdered drink, buttercream cake frosting, chicken and cheese fajitas, Fruity Pebbles, Boo Berry cereal, McDonald's french fries, blueberry cheesecake and hickory smoke, like the liquid smoke that comes in a bottle.
* Smells from elementary school like No. 2 pencils and the interiors of cheap plastic backpacks. Remember those? They smelled a lot like those plastic pencil cases that were once popular.
* Clothing smells like the smell of new leather and flannel or the smell of a shopping mall.
* The smell of old, dusty books. Boy, that's a great smell. I wouldn't want to wear it though, but it would probably make a cool room deodorizer.
* The smell of brand new tires. Hey, I admit it. I love the smell of brand new tires.
* The smell of ozone from an electrical spark. I don't know how you'd bottle it, but it'd be cool if you could.
* Those old scratch 'n sniff stickers that smelled like pizza, but really didn't. They smelled more like that old cardboard-flavored pizza that you get at the ballpark.
* The smell of cigarettes before they're smoked.
* The smell of tar from a newly paved road. The City of Monroeville paved Hines Street in front of The Journal's offices last week, and after a while the smell got to be pretty pleasant.
Here are a few cologne and perfume ideas that I'd chunk on the rejection pile:
* RAID bug spray from the 1970s. I found a can of this stuff in a cupboard when I moved into my current house and sprayed some of in the room. For a second there, I was a kid again. That lasted for a moment, until I realized that I was really light headed.
* Dog's breath, scorched sawdust and burn microwave sawdust.
* The smell of chum, that is, fish bait used to lure sharks, consisting of oily fish that's ground up and scattered on the water behind a boat. This is hands down one of the most offensive smells ever, an olfactory nightmare.
posted by Lee Peacock at 9:24 AM
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